The liturgy of life. God's presence is not an absent presence.

A photo makes someone present.  The person may be dead or in another state, but becomes present in a  way.  That presence is not physical, so it is an absent presence.  The person is present, but not really.

God's presence is not like that.  When we become aware of His presence, then He is really there.  We did not cause Him to be there;  we simply became conscious that He is there.  So, God's presence is not an absent presence.

This reality has been utilized by St. John Bosco to prevent his youth from sinning  All over his schools are signs proclaiming "God sees you."  The boys realize that even if they evade the watchful eyes of their teachers, they can never hide from God's gaze.

Living in the presence of God is an aspect of Salesian spirituality.  It is a way to engage in continued prayer thus living the liturgy of life.

St. John Bosco's Goodnight Talk

St. John Bosco housed homeless boys. Before going to bed, he gave them a "goodnight talk" right after night prayers.  This drew from an event during the day and concluded with a moral lesson. It is short and entertaining - drawing from the lives of the saints or from his visions.  After that, there is the "great silence" as the boys keep a prayerful ambiance of recollection.

I do the same with my kids ages 10,8,7 & 2.  We say our night prayers together consisting of an Our Father, Hail Mary & Glory Be following by an examination of conscience then an Act of Contrition.  After that, I give the talk.  I used Aesop's fables e.g. the ant and the grasshopper, Gospel stories e.g. the man who built his house on rock and the other on sand, events e.g. the dog getting groomed and then draw a simple moral lesson.  This allows me to explain to the kids the rationale for my policies and help them understand our sacrifices for them.  (As St. John Bosco taught, "It is not enough to love the young.  They must know that they are loved.)  More importantly, they learn how to put faith into action or live as a follower of Jesus.

By and large, this works as the kids remember the lessons, the rules and the love.

iCarly's Dancing Bra, Suite Life of Zack & Cody & St. John Bosco's "Goodnight Talk" before the "Great Silence"

Source:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7z2RR1CgnQ  or click here
In this video, the dancing bra tells ghosts stories.

While snowed in, I watched the same shows with my kids. There’s Nickolodeon iCarly about 3 tweens and their web-based show. There's a voluptuous dancing bra that makes an appearance from time to tome like the segment above. It seemed harmless enough until I found a Google search for ‘Boobs and Tits’ in my computer's history.

Then there's “The Suite Life on Deck” where smart-alecky kids lie all the time. And the show finds it acceptable and humorous most of the time. So, my 10-year old lied about feeding the dog until the poor animal foraged for food in the garbage last night.

These are Disney shows but they’re nothing in moral content like those from the Wonderful World of Disney decades ago. So, I'm cutting out cable TV. And I’ll give a good-night talk in the way St. John Bosco did to his homeless youth. The good-night talk is done after night prayers and contains a moral lesson from something that happened during the day. That is how St. John Bosco made faith part of life. And psychologically, it is a most effective time to instill good thoughts. The talk is followed by the great silence – in the monastic tradition where no one talks unless it is an emergency. That silence ushers in sleep but also combats dissipation and distractions. The serenity and stillness brings recollection and a sense of God’s awesome and mysterious presence.

The reckless distractions from TV has to be not only filtered out but replaced with wholesome and spiritual thoughts.

Blog/Video: Veggie Tales taught my son perseverance

Cartoons taught my son perseverance. When he was 7, he was a Tiger scout. During one of their meetings, they had a crab walk race. Since he was doing it right, he trailed the pack. It became so bad that everyone else had crossed the finish line. But he kept on. The other parents were so impressed that they gave him a standing ovation as he struggled to the very end. When I asked him what made he hang on, he said that he recalled the Veggie Tale story about perseverance. (See below.)

St. John Bosco would have used this too if was around in the 1800s.  He used all the media available then e.g.  theater, acrobatics, juggling, drama, operettas, stories, songs and billboards stating "God sees you."

Video Description:  Scallion (Larry the Cucumber) challenges Apollo Gourd for the World Veggie-Weight Title! Can Scallion stick with it and finish the match? Can he keep his eye on the Tiger Bike awarded to the champion? In this zany tale of perseverance, The Italian Scallion learns that when you finish what you start, you always come out the winner! Video source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQI8YPfcTf0 or click here

Blog/Video: St. John Bosco on Education / Parenting : Make it fun.

St. John Bosco's preventive system is described as a pedagogy from heaven because it first came to him on a vision.
John saw himself playing with a crowd of neighborhood boys; many of them were fighting and swearing. He told them to stop, then leapt in with both fists when they did not. Suddenly a stranger, a noble and radiant gentleman, appeared. He told John that he needed to use kindness, not blows, to win over these children. John did not understand. The man said he would give him a teacher, and a majestic Lady showed up. She instructed John to watch, and the boys turned into wild animals—bears, goats, dogs, cats, etc. “This,” she told him, “is your field of work. Make yourself humble, strong, and energetic, so that you’ll be able to do for my children what you’ll see now.” And the beasts turned into gentle lambs. In his confusion, John began to cry. The Lady assured him that in due time he would understand. And he woke up.  (http://www.bosconet.aust.com/DBD.html#d0e17 )

Both preventive and repressive systems involve making expectations and consequences known.  In the preventive system, the educator assists the kids to succeed like a friend keeping his buddies away from trouble.  In the repressive system, the educator enforces the rules and administers punishments on violations just like a cop.  The preventive system takes time, effort and self-sacrifice.  One needs to hang out with the kids and have something fun for them.  The repressive system is easy ;  one comes in only as needed usually to assert authority over the little people.  In return, the preventive system works;  it makes the kids better by changing them from the inside.  The repressive system can give compliance just like those of prisoners but it does not educate.  How many times have you met kids who are just waiting to turn 18 so that they can leave their "oppressive" homes.  However, punishments are unavoidable because lines will be crossed.  According to St. John Bosco, "Punishment is anything intended to become punishment."  So, a cold shoulder from St. John Bosco has the same effect as a slap because the kids love him.  What makes it work is love.  Just a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down and a spoonful of honey catches more flies than a gallon of vinegar.  Also, no one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.

Here's an illustration of how one can make change fun.

Casting out "demons" from my kid

Yesterday my 5 year old was having a fit and did not want to go out of the van. But we needed to go to Mass, so I told everyone else go ahead. Then I pleaded and bribed to no avail. Finally, I thought of spanking her to keep her from turning into a brat. But I considered how this might make her hate Church, so I backed off and prayed. Finally, I resorted to my weapons of spiritual warfare and cast out an evil spirit that may be disturbing her. I invoked the name of Jesus on whose authority I rebuked the spirits and ordered them to leave my girl. Without any exaggeration, she calmed down after that. So, I was able to carry her without any resistance. Before that, she probably would be kicking and screaming and there will be no point in dragging her. I placed her in the stroller then carried the baby. As I pulled the stroller closer to holy ground, I thought that any residual tempters will disperse. Sure enough, her temper subsided as soon as we stepped in. Make of it what you will, it is what happened.

Punishments do not make kids better according to St. John Bosco. So, an educator needs to avoid them. That is not to say that one must condone bad behavior. Rather, one must prevent the need to punish by putting kids in situations where they can do no wrong. This is a tall order but it is the one that works – considering the 20+ saints produced by this method.

Heart speaks to the heart

     St. John Bosco counsels his educators, "Love what the youth loves and they will love what you love."  No one cares about what you know until they know that you care.  

     The picture shows a few of my students from a school where I had a tough class.  I had time to "waste" of them e.g. during the candy drive, I took groups to the metro station where we sold so much that we won 2nd place.  I told them that I don't believe any kid is bad & I meant it.   They responded with trust & openness.

     These days, I have my own kids.  Lately, I got a couple of weekends when I did not have to work so I reconnected with my 9 year old by spending an afternoon in Dave & Busters.  We were like comrade in arms as we shot aliens & dinosaurs.  I relaxed his diet by treating him to a malt.  Sure enough, his one word answers became more ellaborate.  He opened up like he was talking to his friend.  When we returned home, he told his siblings to look forward for a one-on-one time with me.  Today, I played Old Maid, Dora Bingo & Trip to Candy land with my 5 year old daughter.  She relished every minute of it.

     There is a cost to all this.  If I spent all the time at work, I'd make more & be somebody.  But if that will send my daughters to the dancing pole of a go-go bar & my sons to juvi to get my attentiion, then I rather spend my time with them.  They're the reason I work.