HUMOR from CHURCH BULLETINS HUMOR: CHURCH BULLETINS

These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in
church services. 


The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 
'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone
who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help
they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So
ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will
follow..
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' 
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. 
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
you want remembered..
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are
invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend
him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the
back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

20 nuns publicize support for Obamacare despite conscience violations.

It's Obamacare again as the "magisterium of arrogant and puffed up nuns" files an amicus brief to an abominable law that has been universally condemned by the Catholic Church. In every century, or decade or year, it never fails to have someone betray Lord. Sr. Keehan gets paid a million bucks a year for whatever she does in CHA. She must think this money makes her so special and so smart as to go against the teaching and shepherding authority of the bishops. These people make me so sick as they continue to inflict new wounds in the Mystical Body and continue to pierce the sorrowful heart of our Mother. This is a crying shame. Those nuns need to repent and spend the rest of their lives in the strictest nunnery to make up for their wrong doings. More disgusting than Planned Parenthood defiling kids.


Source:  http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2012/02/23/431147/catholic-nuns-file-brief-supporting-affordable-care-act/


http://tiffinfranciscans.org/?page_id=90


For Obama to trot out 20 dissident nuns who support his Obamacare and the conscience violations therein is like someone saying, "You all may have Peter and the other 10 apostles, but I have Judas on my side. So, there is legitimate dissent."

US lives worth less than Quran in Obama's administration.

It was not Islamaphobia. The Qurans and other Islamic readings were being used to fuel extremism, and that detainees apparently were leaving notes for one another inside them.  So, the military burned them.

http://bigpeace.com/awrhawkins/2012/02/22/bibles-burned-without-apology-u-s-troops-punished-for-mishandling-the-quran/?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

Then everyone and his mother in Obama's administration close to knelt in begging the Muslims' forgiveness for such a justifiable act.

http://youtu.be/h4DZwhTxN2U

 http://english.alarabiya.net/articles/2012/02/23/196467.html

Worse, as a result of this burning, 2 US solders were murdered and 4 wounded. http://www.cbc.ca/news/world/story/2012/02/23/quran-protests-day-three.html

But Obama and his administration are silent as though to say, they deserve it.  I deplore this silence.  I protest this seeming consent.  A life of a pig is worth more than that book of evil - the Koran.

Mandatory teaching of the "PLEASURES OF SEX" to 10 year olds! (video)

So our daughters can start fornicating as soon as they can get pregnant - at 10. And get abortions too. Still think Planned Parenthood is good?

Blessed Teresa in the Final Analysis.

A gospel needs to be reinterpreted for our times. Some have perverted it's meaning just like how the Obama administration uses it to justify it's wrong doing. Others, like Blessed Teresa have captured the essence and relayed it accurately below.

Women of the True God and of a manufactured deity. Devoted vs. oppressed.

The true god is a Creator, Redeemer and Sanctifier.
The false deity is a destroyer, enslaver and degrader.

Anatomy of a Smear: 'The Third Jihad' Fights Back

Wayne Kopping, the director of "The Third Jihad", responds to attempts by terror-linked groups to delegitimize the documentary which exposes the subversive activities of radical Islamic groups such as CAIR.